Sonic Syndicate @ Paradiso 2008

Sonic Syndicate played at the melkweg

saw em...shot em.....was quite an experience...purty cool.

Thanks Karin for the photo-pass...

Thank you Cor for the motivation and invite

Amsterdam 2008

and his name was...

do you know beauty ?

has he ever said hello?

he came to me one evening

and stood across my side...

he winked his eye softly

and gave a wink goodbye

he called me after some time

and i reacted with care

he threw me in a windmill

and make me walk on air

months of lovin

months of smiles

compliment after compliment

became one huge pile

he told me i should jump in it 

and stretch my heart about

and as i soaked it up always

he came around to say

his time is short

his will is good

he cannot love me

the way he should

i shouldn't cry and shouldnt doubt

for me he screams but i deserve a shout

a selfish thought

on his behalf..

if i hurt i should determine it's wrath

and so it all began to crumble

the loving and laughter 

to a hollow thimble

i won't say bye until he does

just to prove

that he's not love

22:36

Amsterdam

note to self: run from the past

Den Haag, The Hague

Leiden

Cutting

Madness

Police 

Junkies

Misery

long nights curled up in corners cying eyes til they are swollen

screaming back and forth, scissors being flung for what it is worth

smashed plates against the dirty walls of a small fucking room and his horny claws

mad passion and confusion

love and the disarray of illusion

my jim, his Pam, his whiskey, my cocaine, 

refrain from the past, jolt feet into ground and forget the fucking past

i went back to my past last night....

thrown into a realm of a false image of right

one scream two screams one morning no coffee no cigarette

packed bags, threw on shoes, held on to sanity and left

broken heart, swollen puffy eyes

on tram stops before the elderly and the wise

sit alone, music bounded, closed eyes until grounded

love and hate ...we get it wrong...

he stills fails ...when trying to sing my song

note to self

run from the past

tis a far greater thing to be destroyed by mountains of cocaine and layers of acid 

than to be run down by a man who tries to convince you that love is a priority when he stares u in the eyes and screams at you incessantly.

hello dad, goodbye dad, rest in peace.

the hour of my discontent transformed into years.

i crawl back to you in interest of salvaging what i thought i knew.

forgetful bitch of tiresome blues

death makes angels of us all.

i look forward to wings which will replace these claws....

RIP Jim

what is and should always be....

another led zeppelin title to a blog..only this time i'm publishing this....so i got home this evening and realized....i'm quite smitten.....smitten with a man who's afraid of smitten women....afraid...perhaps...numb....he says he is dead inside....fair enough....i can understand that....but why now? when i meet him? why couldn't it have been before this chick fucked his head in? Anyways...such is my life....as the dutch say ....' net niet' ....close but not quite.......

atleast i'll have stories to tell to my 50 cats when i'm 45, single, writing raunchy romance novels...being known as the fucking scary wench on the corner by all the kids.....

tja....

tonight...a taxi driver saw me from across the road and went out of his way to disobey traffic rules...and then asked me all sorts of questions...fucker...even gave me his number....i am content to know that i am recognized...i dont have to be to feel worthy but...it's a nice feeling..however....never felt by the ones i want....

eventho...this special one i'm in love with....it was like that for a while....

but someone hit pause...please...i've had enough of a break for now...i want to smell him and touch him again......again and again.....and fall asleep....with his hand in mine.....the way it was....just for a while...no worries about forever .......the wicked ways of the curly angel....

to be continued...... but it will take a while.....

patience....

in the meantime...goes by quickly if i smile....

Nixie

Our beloved cat back home on Sint. Maarten. he is one of 4 kittens adopted at the veterinary clinic. and no it was not difficult for me to get this shot, as i have a natural talent and ALOT of patience with cats (grew up with them all my life since i was 5 years old) and they love the camera..atleast when i hold it. :)
One of my favourite things when i visit the island i was born on.

i miss my kitty cats on the island...

i miss connecting with the feline

the hunter

like my sign...the centaur...connected? maybe....

dutch cats are just not the same (except for my first dutch cat " Karma" - will blog abt him another time) 

maybe it's the lack of sunshine...

or palm trees

for me...